Charlie Brown Thanksgiving 2018
1. A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying that smells good to be helping.
2. Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?
3. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
4. Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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5. We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
6. Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we could have a day off work.
7. Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
8. What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving.
9. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
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10. A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
11. Every Thanksgiving I’m thankful I decided to wait until New Years to start my diet.
12. Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
13. It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
14. You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.
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15. I dropped the turkey after rubbing olive oil all over it. I rinsed it off, rubbed the oil on again, and cooked it. Didn’t tell anybody for 10 years… I just told them last year. Oh well, it didn’t kill anybody or make them sick!
16. It has been an unchallenge able American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.
17. On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.
18. What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? “No One Diets on Thanksgiving,” 26 November 181
19. Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.
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20. Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.
21. The mellow sweetness of pumpkin pie off a prison spoon is something you will never forget.
22. Thanksgiving day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man, it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.
23. A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.
24. The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
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25. To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.
26. Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths. At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings.
27. Thanksgiving is the holiday of peace, the celebration of work and the simple life… a true folk-festival that speaks the poetry of the turn of the seasons, the beauty of seedtime and harvest, the ripe product of the year – and the deep, deep connection of all these things with God.
28. Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day.
29. Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.
30. “I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual.”
Charlie Brown Thanksgiving 2018
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